Indian in England

Musings of a student

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Englishman, oh Englishman

VENUE, a semi-detached house in Bournemouth. Fair English Man, who has come to do a bit of plumbing, has cornered Dark Indian Man, who rents a room there.

FEM: “You a student, eh?”

DIM: “Yeah.”

FEM: “Picked up some English yet?”

DIM: “Sorry?”

FEM: “I said, how’s your English going?”

DIM (puzzled): “Not too bad. Why?”

FEM: “You know all the alphabets now?”

DIM (more puzzled): “Uh?”

FEM (speaking slowly): “Have you picked up all the al-pha-bets?”

DIM (seriously puzzled): “Uh, I think I know all the alphabets, yes.”

FEM: “Wonderful! So what comes after ‘S'? Go on, tell us!”

DIM: “Uh, ‘T’, since you ask. Why?”

FEM: “Correct! So how about one?”

DIM (wonderingly): “Huh?”

FEM (in typical English fashion, coming ponderously to the point): “How about making us a cuppa? Go on, there’s a good lad!”

Englishman, oh Englishman, why do you think every foreign student who comes here comes here to learn English?

And Englishman, oh Englishman, why hide behind an 'S' when all you want is tea?